Isn’t it about time we dealt with the mid-life crisis?

Never waste a good crisis so the saying goes.

And I’m completely on board with this sentiment.

Many of my clients come to me because they believe they have reached a crossroads in life or what I like to call a t-junction. Only I know they haven’t. It’s something way more powerful than that.

It’s too often mislabelled as a mid-life crisis but I’m happy to go out on a limb here. What if we were to reframe this moment and instead of colouring the process with a sense of catastrophe or impasse, what if we were to treat it as an awakening? A moment of transformation?

Having achieved the what in life, we realise we’ve lost sight of the why.

So this is my case for flipping the concept and harnessing the dynamism of breakthrough.

To help me with this, I talk to Charles McLachlan, founder of FuturePerfect and the Portfolio Executive Growth Academy, about the hidden narratives that bring us to this place and the natural but radical energetic shifts we need to make in order to move forward. 

For the full discussion, check out the latest episode of Unlock More here or on your favourite podcast platform.

A long and winding road to nowhere

‘We’re at a really important inflection point in the world of work.’ Charles begins. He goes on to explain that the signs were already there before covid. What’s more, the younger generations are not prepared to buy into the story that there’s only one way to work – only one route to success.

For someone who has been burned by the system, it’s a familiar story for me. People were expected to establish a career pulling 60-hour weeks. Only when that level of toil continued way beyond the initial phase it was clearly unsustainable.

‘Because you’re employed, the company owns you.’ Charles explains.

I remember having a client who couldn’t put her phone down and at this point, I’m reminded of the Blackberry I was permanently connected to. The kind of culture where it feels like they have your blood.

Charles reflects on how he would jet around the world in a week or visit several European cities within a few days. ‘It was the life but not a life.’ he says.

A promise lost

So if it’s unbearable deep inside, what keeps us there?

Charles talks about the idyl of retirement – the far-off land of ease on an ample pension, just as long as you give your all now.

The cost? ‘Everything that would have been important in that life has been lost. The relationship with your children and spouse and your health and fitness.’ he says.

In other words, work now and live later – except that often when you reach living later the precious, irreplaceable things and experiences have gone. 

The fear of losing out on those few golden retirement years was enough to keep people dreaming and working hard but in recent times, even that promise has faded. With employers no longer willing to keep up their side of the bargain, mid-life has been characterised by having to move from job to job, just at a time when youthful energy ebbs and the offers start to slow.

It’s no wonder that the younger generations aren’t buying into it anymore.

An opportunity gained

In my role, I’m seeing the upside of this paradigm shift. I regularly see people in their 40s and 50s, no longer restrained by the financial insecurities that bothered them before, questioning what’s missing in their lives.

The energy downturn makes them question what they’re spending it on. They want to use it wisely and efficiently. They’ve got to the top of the ladder and discovered there’s not as much there as they had expected.

Charles sums it up perfectly. ‘We’ve got to the what but lost sight of the why. We see a shift from wanting success to wanting significance.’

In other words, we know the worth of our career (as in what we’ve earned or the level we’ve got to) but do we know the value of it?

It’s time to go from a demanding life to demanding more from life: whether that’s chasing a dream, answering a burning call to work for the greater good or caring for those around you. From the expansive and earth-shattering to the tiny and domestic – I see the satisfaction and pleasure that comes about when a deeply loved ambition is brought to life.

A transition made

Let’s return to the idea of crisis for just a moment. Where has it come from? Is it that we believe that if someone has fallen off the path, they’ve come unstuck? That going off the rails means their character has somehow unravelled and they’ve lost their senses?

Or is it that they’ve bravely decided to put up a hand and say no? Are we shocked and perplexed that someone would have given up what they’ve worked so hard for? What a waste.

Let’s unpick this.

For a start, they’re not giving up everything. Charles talks about how he works with his clients to compile a portfolio of their skills and experience and how transferable these are to another chosen career or mode of living. It’s something that I do with my own clients.

Nothing is wasted. By reframing the know-how a client already has we open opportunities for their next chapter. Just at a time when society could be talking about retirement, we’re busy panning for the gold that’s already there. When someone has been working for that long, this is priceless – both for themselves and the world at large.

Secondly, openly and demonstrably questioning the system has never been a comfortable process. It opens room for wider doubt, which gives rise to fear.

So we’re not just talking about a transition in terms of behaviours or habits. We’re reshaping the structure within which our beliefs sit. That’s huge.

Three things to take away

I enjoyed my discussion with Charles. In many ways, he crystallised the ideas and experiences I’ve had both in my life and with my clients.

Namely:

• The world of work is changing and careers are different to the way they were years ago. Those in their 40s and 50s are now reconsidering their future. Whether it’s because of an empty nest or an empty feeling towards their career, they’re choosing to move on and dare to find what fulfils them.
• Very often there are two forces at work. We’re either moving from pain or moving towards pleasure – or varying amounts of both. What matters is that we see these forces for what they are: catalysts of change.
• You find out what’s possible when you allow someone to draw out the vision in you. There are people out there ready to help you to make the radical and more delicate shifts you need to make. Find a coach that you resonate with and be prepared to put in the work.

‘Dreaming isn’t enough.’ Charles concludes. ‘If you don’t have a plan, you won’t make it a reality.’

That sums everything up perfectly.

So what are we going to do with the mid-life crisis?

We’re not just going to meet it head-on, we’re going to challenge it. We’re going to reconceptualise it and use it as a springboard into greater things.

It’s the key to unlocking what’s next and what’s new.

Crisis? I say breakthrough. Let’s all have a mid-life breakthrough. What a difference that would make for us, our families, our communities and the world at large.

Do you feel something stirring inside? Great. Don’t be scared, this is your signpost to the next chapter in your life. Let me shape that with you.

Click here to get in touch and let’s start with a conversation.